One Paragraph Review: The Punisher

Dr Martin Luther King Jr once said, "violence begets violence" - a simple, yet effective insight. The writers of The Punisher took a somewhat more nuanced approach, feeling that things should go a little more like this: violence begets a tedious, insipid story of nonsense that subjects you to the boohoo story of Frank Castle, an epically cliche-filled monument to blah portrayed by an actor who's lack of emotional depth makes Christopher Lambert's "Beowulf" look like Mickey Rourke's "Randy the Ram," embarking on a convoluted quest of unnecessary complexity rivaling even the most absurd James Bond villain scenario, derailing a few times to include "don't care, don't care - God, don't care" sideplots like redemption in the arms of the token 'unfortunate pretty blonde girl' or the ABC Family Channel feel-good happy ending for a couple down-on-their-luck losers, before finally, only in the last 20 minutes and only after an unintentionally hilarious Last of the Mohicans scene with a bow-and-arrow, pulling out a few guns and fucking shooting people. Was all of that really necessary? I think Dr. King had it right - in some cases, violence just begets violence. The Punisher should have been one of those cases.

One Paragraph Review: Serenity

I will state something that I can't fairly or completely justify here: Serenity is one of the best science fiction movies of all time. Like the truly great sci-fi films, Serenity is not just an "excellent genre (sci-fi) movie," but just a great movie by any genre's standards. In fact, Serenity is such a strong film that I almost hate to label it just a "sci-fi movie" because it's so much better than 90% of that genre. Its visuals are exciting, its characters are warm and engaging, the story is meaningful and interesting and all the little wonderful bits and pieces are tied together with excellent direction. It's refreshingly funny in some scenes and honestly dramatic at others. For sci-fi or fantasy fans, Serenity goes the extra mile by creating a vibrant, enticing and fantastic universe; a universe that is uncommonly unique - part western, part science fiction, part Chinese/Hong Kong action movie. Really, this is just pure movie goodness for fans of all genres, with an extra bonus for those (of us) who think spaceships are cool.

One Paragraph Review: Quantum of Solace

It might be tough for me to put into words how colossally disappointed I was with this movie. But here's an attempt. By itself, the movie was a barely coherent clump of action scenes, uneven dialogue, less-than-zero character development, all packaged with an eye-rollingly bad plot. Buy my real disappointment stems from the dive the franchise has taken after the blissful and fulfilling Casino Royale. We were presented with a franchise reboot that was smart, grounded and (for the most part) realistic. Bond is at his worst when he's Superman: when he can drive all manner of cars, boats and airplanes; when he can woo women and treat people as if they have nothing to do with anything; when baddies can fire semi-automatic rifles from feet away and the bullets disappear into thin air. Basically, Quantum of Solace was a return to everything I hated about the late Pierce Brosnan Bond movies. Let us pray that Quantum was an unfortunate blip in the franchise reboot, and it wasn't Casino Royale that was the blip.