One Paragraph Review: Definitely, Maybe

Definitely, Maybe is the bionic chick flick. It takes bits and pieces from other chick flicks, and assembles them into the Super Chick Flick. Let me further sum this movie up with an analogy: Dead Alive is to gore what Definitely, Maybe is to cheese. Sometimes the movie was so cheesy I wanted to scream. Actually, I did scream. Many times. At one particularly bad part one of my stuffed animals barfed on me. This movie got hosed down in grade-A Hollywood manufactured and processed cheese. While the movie was cinematically pretty well made, I would have preferred to see period dress and hair styles from the early 90s parts of the movie. Is it so hard to dig up flower-patterned ties and flannel shirts? Unless your choice is "or death" you should avoid this cheese blizzard.

One Paragraph Review: Definitely, Maybe

For most male viewers, Romantic comedies tend to be like a visit to the dentist - something boring that one needs to fight through with occasional moments of intense pain. Through the unholy (though ingenious) use of silly writing, this movie is able to consist of ONLY those climactic super-sappy moments that in most tolerable romantic comedies only last for a few merciful minutes. Here, it's an entire movie of them. This is the romantic comedy equivalent of in intravenous feed of heroin; no background, no build up, no characters, just uninterrupted PURE sap. It's evil genius like the Dodgers acquiring Jake Peavy or choosing beautiful women to serve alcohol. Sexual content has pornography, action sequences have "Transformers," and now sappiness has this movie. Women should have "Definitely, Maybe" on constant loop and men should fear it like they do the phrase "we need to talk."