One Paragraph Review: Transformers

If you were to simply replace every one of the brilliantly executed action sequences in Transformers with a b-movie sex scene (without even changing the cast), you'd have yourself a movie which would pass unnoticed as another every day softcore porno flick. That is the real crime that Michael Bay has committed with this movie: Transformers didn't have to be the "mindless action movie" equivalent of a porno. In the eyes of a different creator, Transformers could have been a complete masterpiece like Lord of the Rings or Serenity, with characters that we care about. Instead, Bay dumps a shitheap of bad-acting (die, Megan Fox, die), personality-less characters (robots and humans alike), idiotic dialog and wasteful writing/directing onto a magnificent visual and auditory recreation of giant robots fucking blowing shit up. As much as I'd love to bemoan what Bay did with the great Transformers universe, the real pity is what he didn't do with it.