One Paragraph Review: Rescue Dawn

I have one complaint about this film, in which Christian Bale portrays the true story of a fighter pilot shot down and captured in Laos during the Vietnam War, and it is a big one. This film had awful pacing and plot development. They only spend about three minutes developing the character, which is not really enough time to get you sucked in or even to get you to like the guy. Then there are two grueling and slow-moving hours detailing his time in prison camp. Then there is about fifteen minutes set aside for his escape and eventual rescue. In sum, I wasn't drawn into the character, I sat through two boring hours, and then I didn't even get to fully appreciate or enjoy his eventual rescue. As much as I love Christian Bale, and appreciate his performance in this movie, I just cannot recommend it.

One Paragraph Review: Milk

Forgive me now, but this is going to be a long paragraph. 2008 was not a great movie-going year for me. I rarely got myself to a theater to view a new film. But choosing to spend time during my precious few days in San Francisco seeing "Milk" at the Castro Theater was an amazing movie-going experience. I was expecting the experience to be cool--after all I'm seeing the movie in the freaking neighborhood where it all took place. But I was not expecting to enjoy the film as much as I did. This movie has it all: stellar acting, incredible writing, wonderful pacing. It was one of the best memoir-type films I have ever seen, and was a great tribute to Harvey Milk and to the LGBT community that has fought so hard for equality. Speaking of that fight...I of course expected I'd be in tears at the end of the movie due to the inevitable tragic ending, but I was not expecting to be quite so sad and disheartened after viewing this. A good chunk of the plot line centers around Milk and his colleagues fighting CA Proposition 6 which would have banned gays and lesbians, and even their supporters, from working in public schools. Given the recent and very disappointing victory of CA Proposition 8 banning gay marriage, for me the takeaway point from the movie was that 30 years after Milk's time, the LGBT community and its allies still have a lot of fight to go.

One Paragraph Review: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Benjamin Button was a perplexing film for me. The first third of the film was captivating and charming and really had me enthralled. Then, in the middle third of the film, the focus clearly turns to the love story, as our two lovers have finally met in the middle (her aging forwards, him backwards). Unfortunately as the love story loses focus, the movie reaches terminal velocity as it sort of hurls towards a conclusion, giving Benjamin's last 20 years not even a shred of the time given to his first 10 years. For a film which admirably tackles such a fascinating story with profound implications, it fell short of leaving me with much to take away from it. Having lived his life in reverse, we anticipate Benjamin's later years, being 50 years old in the body of a 20 year old, to say something profound about life's direction. Instead, we're given a traditional esoteric-Brad-Pitt-in-foreign-lands montage and a hastened (but still very sad) death. Despite this negativity, the film really is quite good. I just wish they won the game swinging with the bases loaded instead of taking a walk.

One Paragraph Review: Defiance

Defiance tells the (true) story of Belorussian Jews who fled into the forests of Eastern Europe to live and escape Nazi persecution. This movie wasn't great, and won't win any awards, but the story is compelling and will interest anyone who likes history or learning about World War 2. I thought Daniel Craig was superb, and sections of the movie carried a real intensity and emotion to them. Just make sure you don't plan anything after seeing the film. Why? This is the kind of movie that really makes you want to play around after. After I saw Honey I Shrunk the Kids, all I wanted to do was go home and invent crazy contraptions. And all I wanted to do after Defiance was go home and play Call of Duty for like fifteen hours straight.

One Paragraph Review: Meet Dave

In a sense, this movie is really un-reviewable. I simply do not possess the ability to describe, using my words, how bad this movie was. Its only possible upside is that it gives people who like to make top ten lists a new candidate for placement on the Top Ten Worst Movies Ever Made. I never laughed, even once. The movie was not funny. The special effects were uninventive or boring. The acting was fake. Almost nothing in the movie made any sense. A friend commented that it was like an unfunny SNL skit that was painfully stretched across two hours, which actually does describe it pretty well. If you see this movie than I feel bad for you.

One Paragraph Review: Idiocracy

As social commentary, what Idiocracy provides is excellent, serious and worthy of plenty of discussion. As a film, Idiocracy is less interesting and a little silly. In fact, I probably enjoyed the premise & concept more than the film itself. It's with out a doubt funny, but the style of comedy came off as too much "Wayans Bros" and not enough Mike Judge. My girlfriend pointed out the most resonating effect the movie had on us when, after the movie was over, she tilted her head and observed, "That movie made me feel dumber." I'm not sure if that was the intended ironic effect of the movie or just a statement on its overall sillyness, but it was definitely true.

One Paragraph Review: National Treasure 2

Is Nick Cage a good actor? I'm not sure I can tell. National Treasure 2, the follow up movie to the popular and actually very enjoyable Indiana Jones knock off, felt like a homework assignment rather than a fun action-packed adventure movie. Very few of the characters mattered. Probably the worst bit of the movie was the stupid and hammy story line, which got increasingly absurd as time went on. The movie actually felt a lot like Men in Black 2, another poor sequel to a fun movie.

One Paragraph Review: Stick It

I learned two things while I watched the straight-to-DVD "Stick It," while out sick from work. The first thing I learned is that some girl named Missy Peregrym is totally gorgeous and not only is she worth seeing a stupid movie for, but she also teases with some real acting ability. Go figure. The second thing I learned is that it truly is impossible for me to see Jeff Bridges and not expect The Dude. I mean, here's a movie that is filled with girls in leotards in nearly every scene and I still found myself waiting anxiously for Bridges to turn to someone and ask for some Kahlua. Anyway, this movie is sort of exactly what you'd expect from the same evil genius that manufactured Bring It On. It's a hokey, corny, teenage girl movie, just with The Dude awkwardly thrown in.

One Paragraph Review: Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Beautiful people drenched in pointless violence wrapped up in a thrown together story has never been so much fun and so funny as it is in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It's insane, it's silly and if it weren't for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, it never would have been made. But those two can apparently turn any script into something we'll want to watch and here they deliver big time. This movie must have been ridiculously fun for these two to make. It's nonsense, but it's fun nonsense.

One Paragraph Review: Gladiator

Last Friday night, over a bunch of lasagna and a six pack of Bud Light, I watched Gladiator for the first time in several years. After watching this movie again I was struck by its excellent balance of story. There is a clear arc but I never felt like any point of the story was without use. Everything was part of the wider arc. This excellent story also brings for great fight sequences and great acting. Especially good performances from Richard Harris and Djimon Hounsen. And of course the commanding performance from Russell Crowe. Great stuff all around. Gladiator is probably the best "Roman" movie since Spartacus, and one of Ridley Scott's best.

One Paragraph Review: Step Brothers

In this movie, Will Ferrell plays the same Will Ferrell man-child that he has played for the past umpteen movies. He shouts obscenities at people, fights people with trashcans, and generally acts like the same idiot that made us laugh in Talladega Nights, Anchorman, Elf, Blades of Glory, Semi-Pro, Kicking and Screaming, and Old School. Step Brothers is a bit funnier thanks to John C. Reilly's contributions, as the two of them make a great pairing. One day they will run out of excuses to create roles for "The Will Ferrell Man-Child," but until then, I imagine we'll keep laughing at whatever movie he appears in next. A little advice: being really drunk helps enjoy the inanity, so drink copiously.

One Paragraph Review: Reign of Fire

This is a movie of ups and downs which ends up as better-than-average action entertainment. It gets points for forgoing the traditional "dragon movie" themes and setting in favor of something a little more creative, but loses points for hokey dialogue and somewhat mashed together story. McConaughey fits his part nicely, but Christian Bale looks stoned and is underutilized and some girl named Izabella Scorupco fills the unfortunate role of token pretty blond girl. The whole point of this movie is the novelty setting of "post-apocalyptic future society meets savage, badass dragons," which I admit is pretty neat. In the end, this is actually a B-grade Sci-Fi Channel Weekend movie dressed up with $100 million dollars, which makes it wasteful, but still entertaining.