One Paragraph Review: A Beautiful Mind

I can't think of any movie that has a more unnatural and unexplained romance than this film, and unfortunately it really irritates the hell out of me. Jennifer Connelly's gorgeous character, who ,by the way, is the only remotely attractive female in the entire three hour film, falls in love with Russell Crowe's hapless, unlikable character for absolutely no reason at all. I get that people fall in love for unobvious or subtle reasons, but "so we can stick Jennifer Connelly in the movie" is not one I'm willing to accept. Her character, which oscillates between a devilish siren and a Lifetime Move of the Week supporting cast member, falls in love with Nash early, giving no explanation for her choices or actions. This shoddily written romance, which is a core element of the film, really stands out like a cheap trick in what is otherwise a well acted, aptly directed movie. Crowe's acting and Howard's direction were well worthy of great acclaim, but Connelly's role is more suspect for me. She does a great job with what I find to be a blight of a character on an otherwise solid film - oh well, I guess it's an acting award, not a writing award, right?

One Paragraph Review: My Super Ex-Girlfriend

I couldn't find a lot to dislike about this movie, but I think that's because it's hard to separate poodle shit from terrier shit, or deer shit from elk shit. When you're staring at a pile of shit, it really doesn't matter what kind it is, just that it's shit, and really, thats how I felt about My Super Ex-Girlfriend. It wasn't offensively bad, or horrifyingly stupid, it was just boring and kind of bland. The girls were cute and there were some funny parts, but you know exactly how the movie is going to end. The only noteworthy thing is that buried in this pile of shit is the brilliant Eddie Izzard, who is shamefully underutilized here. The way they wrote his vapid character, they may as well have given the role to a guy off the street.

One Paragraph Review: Slumdog Millionaire

Slumdog Millionaire is the best movie of 2008. There, I said it. I know it cleaned up at the Oscars but it really deserved too. The movie is entirely uplifting, yet is riveting and thrilling up until that satisfying ending. The acting is tremendous. The editing supports and strengthens the other elements of the film, rather than pull them down. The music is incredible. With the exception of Heat and the Big Lebowski, I can't think of any other films where I finished the movie and wanted to hit rewind and watch it all over again. Slumdog Millionaire is one of these movies. Tremendous film.

One Paragraph Review: Be Kind Rewind

I could try and describe the story and meaning behind Be Kind Rewind, but I don't really think my explanation would make sense. And Be Kind Rewind doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, either. The story is sort of inane and downright weird, but Michel Gondrey's directing is compelling and by the end I couldn't help but like this movie. Be Kind Rewind has a very neat and warm ending. I don't know if most of the cast are random people or unknown professional actors, but the nameless faces were a welcome change from "big name" comedies. I say this with the caveat that the movie, of course, stars Jack Black, Mos Def, Danny Glover, Mia Farrow and features a random cameo by Sigorney Weaver. If you can stomach the meandering story, I think you might just enjoy the art behind this movie.

One Paragraph Review: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

You get home from work. Your tired, even exhausted. It's been a long day. For hours you'd dreamed of coming home and laying down on your plush leather couch. You take off your tightly wound dress shoes, and put your feet up and relax. You remember the best part of coming home though: your delicious left overs from the best restaurant in town! This is one of your all time favorite restaurants, and lucky you, there was some left overs from your last trip. You jump up, your spirit buoyed by the thought of the delicious and pleasant reheated meal you're about to enjoy. You open your fridge, only to find out that someone has covered the entire fridge, and your food, top to bottom, in six solid inches of human excrement. Shit covers your refrigerator, and now fills your entire apartment with the stench of thousands of people shitting thousands of meals. This is the feeling I got from watching Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

One Paragraph Review: Taking Chance

Taking Chance relays the true story of the escort home of PFC Chance Phelps, after he was killed in combat in Iraq in 2004. To be honest, I'm conflicted as to what I think of this movie. On the one hand, I found the story fascinating and moving. Kevin Bacon's subtle and affecting performance strikes exactly the right notes. He is solemn yet warm. The film made good use (maybe too much use) of wide shots to show the various points of Phelps's trip home. But on the other hand, I wonder if this movie would mean anything if you haven't been directly affected by the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan. The movie does not flesh out a story from which viewers can subscribe to the drama of the Phelps family. Viewers are left to fill in the blanks with their own personal experience and sadness. And perhaps the real sadness of Taking Chance is that there are enough people who can fill in their own stories.

One Paragraph Review: Definitely, Maybe

Definitely, Maybe is the bionic chick flick. It takes bits and pieces from other chick flicks, and assembles them into the Super Chick Flick. Let me further sum this movie up with an analogy: Dead Alive is to gore what Definitely, Maybe is to cheese. Sometimes the movie was so cheesy I wanted to scream. Actually, I did scream. Many times. At one particularly bad part one of my stuffed animals barfed on me. This movie got hosed down in grade-A Hollywood manufactured and processed cheese. While the movie was cinematically pretty well made, I would have preferred to see period dress and hair styles from the early 90s parts of the movie. Is it so hard to dig up flower-patterned ties and flannel shirts? Unless your choice is "or death" you should avoid this cheese blizzard.